What Do You Want for Christmas?

This commonly asked question is usually followed by a very affirmative answer.

I am personally always caught off guard by it. I am Mommy. I do for everyone else and I can't rest until all of it has been done. That's the way I've lived since becoming a mother and I can't seem, no matter how hard I try, to shake off the guilt of indulging in something for myself. Or even thinking about what I want for myself. Most recently, my hopefully future mother-in-law (she is awesome and I love her!) asked me this and I had no answer for her. All I had was the irritating response of "I don't know." Do I need things? Of course. But I can get them for myself, when, if ever, I have the money. Do I want things? Sure. But I feel guilty by even mentioning something to someone they could perhaps buy for me. It's a silly thing I know. But my happiness and fulfillment comes from GIVING and not receiving. It IS nice to receive things...don't get me wrong...but I have all I need and have been blessed enough this year to fulfill my giving needs.

What do I want for Christmas? I want to be happy and healthy. I want my children to be happy and healthy. I want my family and friends to be happy and healthy. It' ALL about the people and NOTHING about the things in life.

Things are needed. Sure. Things are wanted. I know. But it's the THINGS that cause all the arguments and hostility and in effect, causes rifts between people that should never have happened. I am grateful my family is close and doesn't let the little things come between us. I know of a family who can't even spend a holiday together in the same house of their aging mother because they are at odds over a estate will of a woman who has not yet passed. It's a brother and sister who haven't spoke in years, whose grown kids have been affected because they cannot enjoy holidays with their cousins or whose own children do not even know each other because of this rift started by material possession. That is nonsense.

I stress about money and my finances all the time and Tim and I sometimes fight over it...and it's the last thing we should be fighting about. In my opinion, if the bills are paid, the children are fed, and we have a house over our head...we are fine. But it's about the things we WANT that cause these ignorant problems to be present in our life. We are all guilty of it at some point and I'm not happy that I've let it get to me. But I'm human and I realize, even if sometimes it's too late, that it is so unnecessary to fight over money/things.

The things I really care about are the people in my life. I've said it over and over, but the holidays really stir up these feelings for me. And maturing as a woman has caused a new awakening of these feelings. No THING and no PRICE TAG can replace the people in your life.

My Christmas wish is for peace among lovers, families, and friends. For people to really embrace those people in their life and to find the simplicity happiness can be.

I don't have much. But I have the most amazing people in my life and I wouldn't trade them for a dime. I always dreamed of lavish things but in my current state of being, I AM HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE. And for once, I'm not dwelling on what I don't have. Except for maybe replacing all the broken blinds in my house (sorry...it BUGS me!).

So there you have it...I already have what I want for Christmas. So anything anyone gets me will be an added bonus.

Answer this: What do YOU want for Christmas that has nothing to do with material possessions?

Merry Christmas Everyone. I hope everyone gets to enjoy this holiday with the people that they love and that being together is enough to make this day a special one.

Peace and Love...

Turning Three...For Parker

Tomorrow we will celebrate Parker's 3rd birthday. Three years ago tomorrow, I entered the hospital at 5 a.m. ready and anxious to meet this little guy who soon became the love of my life. The pregnancy wasn't easy. I had been on bed rest twice, had round ligament syndrome, and had begged my doctor to let me meet him just a little bit earlier than his due date of December 27th. She said he was ready and we'd be induced on Tuesday, December 18, 2007. The day my life became much richer. It was a hard delivery. I was so elated when the nurse said it was time to push but the doctor had not arrived. The nurse told me to hold back a while so we could wait for the doctor. But much like now, Parker had his own plan. With half a push he came out. He was ready to begin his life. And what a beautiful life it's been. For not only him, but me and the people who are lucky enough to know him and love him.

Curious from the start, this boy was wide eyed by the first night he was here on this earth. That hasn't changed a bit. With his wide-open blue eyes, he explores every bit of this world and enjoys every moment of it. I've never seen such a happy child with such joy for life. He loves his mommy, daddy, his Ri-Ri, his MaMas, his family, race cars, Spiderman, and all sports. He loves food, getting into things that aren't supposed to be touched, and sliding into bed with us at night so slyly now that we don't even notice. He is a boy's boy and he is full of gusto. He jumps off beds, leaps off couches, touches hot ovens, turns the water heater to "vacation" mode so that mommy and daddy can experience an ice cold shower first thing in the morning. He gets up early and as a "Refrigerator Bandit" gets into food before we can detect he's awake yet.

Among his many raids, he's acquired a whole apple pie, which I found him eating with his hands straight from the pie dish one morning while sitting on his sister's bed watch Sponge Bob. He's been brown faced with Oreos and proudly woke us up with his cookie-covered face, he's opened up packages of hot dogs that went missing...only later to be found being ejected from a chocolate milk carton that had since been closed and put back in the fridge. Imagine the shock as I poured him his first glass of chocolate milk for the day. One hot dog, two, three, four...where does this boy get these ideas? Most recently, after a night of grocery shopping, I was packing away the food in the fridge. He told me "I want sausage." I told him he'd have to wait until the next night, when I planned on cooking a big breakfast for dinner feast. The next morning I opened the fridge to find a small portion of the raw sausage pinched off. Are there shock systems for refrigerators?

With every little boy's rotten nature, there is their sweet, loving nature. Not a a day has gone by that I haven't felt love from this little person. As an infant, he was my cuddle bug. As he grew, he became affectionate with his hugs and kisses...not only for me, but for everyone. He used to brush my hair every night. I remember the first time he said "I love you" to me which for many moms, is a moment you'll never forget. Now, when I tell him I love him he says "I love you more" and I say "I love you most" and he says "No I love you most". He loves his sister and when we drop her off in the mornings and I tell her to have a good day, he repeats my words and they rarely part without a hug and kiss. He admires his daddy and they share a love of racing and football and Sundays are often my days of getting to clean or do errands without Parker following me around. This is because he's glued to the couch with his daddy watching the latest NASCAR race or sporting event. He loves his extended family and enjoys all family visits or events. He's definitely touched the hearts of our family and our friends for different reasons; this boy is surely special.

I love to look into this child's eyes. Those blue eyes I know I could swim in if I tried. The eyes of wonderment, of love, of joy. For such a little person, he has such a big heart. I love to hear him laugh. It's purity and sound makes my heart happy every time. I love to hear him say new words, make new observations. I love to watch him learn and I love to teach him new things.

With his obvious cute factor and love of people, he is quite the charmer. He can bait anyone in a room, male or female, though he prefers pretty girls late teens-early twenties. Once, at one of his dad's races, he approached two cute girls around this age...introduced himself, told him his dad raced, showed him his racing shirt, and hey...even lifted it up for them to see his "abs". I jokingly told the girls he watches Jersey Shore a lot. They found him quite charming and amusing, and didn't mind his constant attention or the fact he stayed by their side until I called him back over. Later, their boyfriends showed up and Parker eyed them like a hawk. He's quite the ladies man and even though I'm sure his dad likes to take credit for that, I think Parker has more game than I'm comfortable with. I know how easy it was for me to fall in love with him, and I can imagine the heart breaker he'll be when he grows up.

What will he be? A football star? A famous baseball pitcher? Will he prefer soccer? Basketball? Or will he fulfill his already dream of being a race car driver? I'm sure whatever Parker does, he will be star. Recently at a gas station, a ten year old boy who could have been one of those kid actors from Talledega Nights with his redneck accent said "Ma'am...you sure have a cute son." I said "Well thank you." He said "I sure like them tattoos on em'" (Parker's sister had given him rock and roll tattoos the night before). I said "Yep. He likes them too." The boy's last words to me were "He's gonna be an artist or somethin' when he grows up."

Yes. An artist of some sort. An entertainer for sure. He has sure been entertaining to me and all those who know him.

I love this boy. More than words can even began to describe. My children are my world and having a girl and a boy gives me the best of both worlds. He's been everything I ever imagined for a little boy, and then some. He's a handful but a handful I'll never let go of.

Happy Birthday Parker Bryan Brothers. May you enjoy life forever as you enjoy it now.

With all my love (and patience!)

Mommy

The Day after 30

The day before my 30th birthday, I caught the stomach bug that had been flying around town. It was a miserable 12 hours and I didn't know how "happy" my 30th would be. I woke up December 15th feeling great. Brand new. And ready to enjoy turning 30.

I felt fresh. Rejuvenated. Happy.

I never thought turning 30 would make me feel so wonderful, or that I'd be so welcoming of it. But the 20s kicked my ass and I was more than ready to start a new chapter and say goodbye to them. I am a woman. I know what I want. It took most of my 20s to figure that out and obtain it, and that's why my 30s are going to be great. I look forward to my future with the group of people I've collected within my 30 years and I plan to enjoy life like never before.

There was no big party. No grand event. But I had a lot of birthday wishes from friends, a birthday sushi lunch with two special ladies, went ring shopping with Tim (yes, for the ring)...no I didn't leave the store with one but I have narrowed it down to two fine choices. I'm waiting until the jeweler gets her sapphires in to make my final decision. Then it's up to him to decide when to get it and when to finally put it on my finger and make me the happiest girl in the world. After that, we finished some more Christmas shopping and had a fabulous dinner at Copeland's. When I returned to mom's to pick up the kids, she had a birthday card with my favorite gift inside (cash!) and Riley had hand-made me a card. I believe the last line said "you bring me so much laughter". It doesn't take lavish gifts or a outlandish party to make a birthday girl feel special...it's the simpleness of warmth and love and togetherness in life that make me happy. And I got that. Reading her card was the icing on the non-existent cake and I couldn't have felt more special than when I read those words from her. In the card, she also called me "kind" and "sweet" and told me not to be sad that it's my birthday. I asked why I'd be sad. She said "Because you are thirty." Bless her little heart.

I'm not sad at all. Because of her, Parker, Tim, my wonderful family and my incredible friends...I have no reason to be sad. Life is about people. And I'm so blessed with all my people. I may not have much to show material wise...but I have so many people that love me that I love back...and that's what matters to me.

Laying in bed before we said goodnight, Tim kissed me and said I can never say again that I'm twenty something. I told him I didn't care. As long as I get to age with him and all the other people I love I'll be just fine.

I feel being 30 is the start of a new chapter in my life, a better chapter, far better than the chapters before. I feel happy, blessed, and excited. I feel better than I have in a very long time. Realizing the simplicity of happiness is a sign of maturity. I don't really want for much and am taking this time to focus on the people that have molded me into the person I am today.

Goodbye 20s. I learned so much from you and believe me, I'll never forget you...good times or the bad. But it's time to thrive. And I think 30 is the perfect time to start.

Hello 30, my new friend...let's make life great together.